yeh, it hurts

i am creating this blog to reveal the pain, the steps, the any day kinda stuff that is not so fun to hear... if you want cheerful... go back, turn away.... cause this post isn't for you.

i was born the youngest of four; two brothers, a sister, and i. my first memory is that of my father yelling at my second brother. he had wet the bed, and my father was snapping his belt, yelling, forcing him to hold hot peppers in his mouth and go to bed, in his wet bed, naked. there was the sense of a gun... and me being carried back to bed...

this memory occur ed before i was 3.... it is hard even for me to believe i could remember back that far... but the sights, the sounds and the smells tell me it was real.

that is the way life was.... and so much more like it... tho my dad left when i was 2, my mom cont. the abuse, not violently abusing, sno she was too delicate a woman for that... she molested all of us. yes, i did say all. yes, it is a fact. and yes... i may say this as a calloused over person.... but yes, it hurts.

i want this out there... in a public place b/c i want to talk to people about child abuse... i wanna speak to ppl about what it felt like, what it feels like and what it took for me to get to yesterday, today and tomorrow....

i wanna publish the 200+ pages that i wrote about all of this.
i wanna go around my community, my state, and my country shouting this out... letting ppl know that i understand their pain, their shame and to allow them to find their voices too.
i want to allow 1 of four women and 1of 6 men to be free to raise their hand in acceptance of what happened to them and to not feel hindered to get help or to move on or to do whatever he/she decides to do with it... but mostly to encourage us all to band together to choose for the cycle to end!

i want to help educate and to connect ppl with education to raise awareness and freedom to report, to ask, to help those innocent and unable to help themselves.... too many have said to me, 'i knew something was wrong, but i didn't know what' i have read signs of my abuse on my report cards... "she was outgoing last quarter but now she doesn't even want to go outside at recess" i want ppl who have a gutt instinct to use it to help... not to stay silent and complacent.

i tell you, those being hurt deserve to be helped and those doing the hurting... well, they deserve to be helped too! shocking to think i would feel that way, huh? well, i didn't want my family, the only one i had to fall apart... but i knew my mom needed help.... i just didn't know how to get it for her... how many 7 year olds know how to get help for a parent?

it is up to all the adults to work together to keep the children safe!
yes, this is addressed to you and to me... and to all... yes, we are all responsible to change our world to a kinder place. NOW is the time.

please let me know what you think....

please let me know my voice was heard....